As I write this, I am watching a Jenna Marbles video in one tab and am sitting in a muted Google Hangout in another. No, I’m not being a horrible friend and/or employee. A company, that I was supposed to have an interview with 30 minutes ago, has yet to tune into the Hangout.
I understand that I am the one that needs the job and am probably the more desperate one (for lack of a better word) but they rescheduled the interview prior to this incident as well. This is also not the first company to reschedule an interview with me though the other kept the rescheduled date. I have also had many employers not respond to me at all, even to say they hated my resume and hate me too. If a candidate did these things, they would never be considered for a position. So my question, simply, when am I allowed to get mad and say to them that I have decided to go in another direction and pursue other candidates?
I might just be a tiny bit angry.
On a separate note, because my search for a “real job” has been coming to nothing, I’ve been contemplating what I actually want to do with my life, much in the same way I had when I realized, four years ago, that I did not want to be a psychology major anymore. At that point, I decided to go to New Media Production, something that I’d discovered, and loved, in middle school. I thought that was the way I’d take my life and career but then I found event planning and decided I wanted to go that way instead. Currently, I’m working as a Beauty Advisor at an Ulta store in Austin, utilizing neither of those things. Am I upset about it? Yes, but mainly because of my pride.
Many of my coworkers are young. They are 18-20 years old, attending school right now and working at Ulta as a part-time job just to fill the time and make some extra cash. Once they graduate, they plan to get real jobs, the same way I did. The prideful part of me, my ego, says that I messed up to be in the same position that they are. I should have a real job. I shouldn’t have to work retail since I have a degree already. Even though I mostly like this job (retail is never ALWAYS fun) there’s a part of me that says “you should have done better.”
That said, the job does actually make me happy. I’m working in a store surrounded my make-up that I get to see, try, and sometimes get for free (and when it’s not free I still get a discount). My “why” for everything I do in life is that I like to make people happy and I get to do that every day. Last week, a teen gave me a hug because she needed help picking stuff out and I spent close to an hour with her making sure she got what she wanted and understood what it was all for and why she wanted what I was handing her. I always saw retail people as annoying and just trying to make a sale, but that day I realized that we could actually be helpful and not everyone would see us that way. I went home happier than any other shift that night.
My point, though sometimes I have trouble reaching it, is that I’m going to try to stop stressing about the fact that I can’t get a “real job.” No, working at Ulta as I am right now is not enough money, especially with these loan payments coming up. Life is going to get difficult for a while. I am hopeful that I can pick up more hours, or get some sort of a raise at the start of 2018 though. Anything to give me a little more padding in my bank account.
I do also plan to start making videos again soon into 2018. I’ve been putting this off because I spent some time making videos back in high school and I felt they were silly and no one cared. I’m at a point right now that I don’t care. I start every year stating that I am going to “do me” this year, and then it never ends up happening. I blame it on a lack of time because of school or some other external force. This one is all me this time though. I’m taking responsibility for myself and owning up to my actions.
I know this isn’t going to be easy. I know I’m still going to have days that I don’t want to do anything but lay in bed. The important thing to remember though is that I am going to get up. I am going to do what I need to do for the day, and I’m going to get up the next day too. Though my life has not gone the way that I wanted or expected it to, it’s still going and that’s something to be happy about.